Saturday, April 17, 2010

Insensitive Preggos?

Why does it always seem that as soon as hubs and I start trying to conieve, a whole SLEW of other people get pregnant, and we continue to struggle and struggle? I know two hands full of people that are pregnant...some I am close with, some I just know of. And here we sit, struggling to ovulate and actually concieve again. Yet we want it SO. FREAKIN'. BAD. And some...NOT all, but definitely SOME of the people I know of who are pregnant, weren't trying, and yet somehow, it happened to easily. Am I wrong in feeling that it's just not fair? No, I'm not. I am sure I'll get a lot of slack for this post, but I don't care. I shouldn't get slack for it anyway...I'm not bashing anyone. Just putting feelings out there.


It's that simple. Everytime someone I know finds out we are having a hard time concieving again, I get the generic comments...

"What's meant to be will be."

"It will happen when the time is right."

"It's not meant to be, you should stop trying now."

"If it was meant to be, it would have happened by now."

"Just stop trying so hard, you never know when you will be surprised and it will happen."

Oh, and my personal favorite...

"How are you doing? How is trying to concieve going? Oh, you're having trouble again? Well, I'M PREGNANT!"

Nice, huh?

First off, I WISH I could just stop trying so hard and not worry about it. But, my "girl parts" don't work like other women's do. I don't ovulate on my own, so not trying so hard will make it worse, since I really won't be pregnant then. I don't ovulate without the help of fertility drugs, so we don't have a choice but to actively try to concieve with temping, charting, and all that jazz. Fun stuff.

Most of the people that say anything to me, mean well. They don't mean to hurt me, they just don't know. And then there are a few who are CLEALRY throwing it in my face that they are pregnant, and we aren't, and those are the ones I avoid altogether, rather than subject myself to torture.

None of the comments above help me feel any better. Nobody can put a number on how many children another person can or should have. And the meant to be/time is right thing? WE make the decision on when the time is right, nobody else. So, if we are trying now...then THAT is when the time is right. For us.

I understand how hard it is for others to know what it's like to be in our situation. I don't expect them to understand, but yet I can't help my feelings of resentment, jealousy, anger, and sadness. It's difficult to be happy for those that are pregnant and it was so easy for, while we fight and fight and FIGHT for another baby. It's hard to be around them or hear them talk about their pregnancies with me and how excited they are and all of the new things going on...the first time the baby moves, the first ultrasound, hearing the heartbeat, finding out the sex...all of the things that WE are trying to experience again.

I thought after having the twins, I wouldn't feel this way anymore. And I didn't, for a while. But now that we are trying to concieve again and it's not happening as easily or as quickly as we had hoped or thought it would, those old feelings are coming back, and there's nothing I can do to stop them. I can only hope that those that are my true friends will be sensitive about the situation, and try to understand that my feelings aren't ill toward them as my friends or toward them as individuals, but toward what they get to experience, and we don't...


Ashley said...

I'm so sorry for your struggles! I can't imagine going through that frustration :( I wish I had some good advice for you, but I know nothing helps...keep your head up and keep up the battle, you know even better than I that it's so worth it! (PS...I follow you from BBC in case I never said before!)

Blake said...

Thank you so much for your words and encouragement! :-)

Jenny said...

I just wanted to say that I'm thinking about you!

Blake said...

Thank you sooo much!