Monday, April 23, 2012

A Little Update on our Journey to Add to our Family

As most of you already know, we are planning on adding a 4th little one to our family at some point. We stopped our birth control back in September or October, and were going to get the Clomid we have used to conceive in the past. We then decided to try on our own for a little while, while I worked on getting healthier and losing some of the baby weight from my first 2 pregnancies before adding more. So, we took on the "not actively trying but not preventing" attitude. I started getting cycles every month, around the same time every month, which has NEVER happened for me, even when I was on birth control as a teenager. So, this gave me a little hope that things were moving in the right direction. 

Last month, my period was almost 2 weeks late. I had taken some tests when it was a few days to a week late, and all were negative. I woke up one morning and realized I hadn't peed all night, and had one pregnancy test left, so I figured what the heck? I might as well take it! I took it, left the room to go get the kids dressed, and checked back a few short minutes later. At first glance, it looked negative. I wasn't expecting anything as it was, so I wasn't too disappointed. But I picked it up to look a little closer and could see the faintest second line. Of course a second line would show up on my last test in the whole house! 

By that afternoon, I had 2 positive tests. All light, but still positive. I decided I was done testing for the day and waited to take another until the next morning. That one was positive too. Again, very very light, but still visible. I called my doctor to get some blood work done. I was in complete shock that this had happened with no fertility drugs. My doctor's office called me back and asked me why I wanted a blood test if I had 3 positive pregnancy tests. I explained to them that I had not conceived with the help of fertility drugs since before we had our twins, and each time we had conceived before without the meds, it had ended in miscarriage, so I was in slight disbelief and wanted to make sure things were going the way they were supposed to go. So, they ordered blood work and then we waited. And waited. And waited alllll day for the call with the results. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and called the office to see if they had the results in yet. Much to our disappointment and shock, the blood test was negative.

After much research and talking with the doctors, we found out we had had an early miscarriage/chemical pregnancy. The tests I took were dollar store brand, but they are much more sensitive than bigger "better" name brands, so they pick up traces of the pregnancy hormone much sooner. Therefore, the pregnancy tests I took were positive, because of how early I was (which is why they were light too), but by the time I went in for blood work, I had already started to lose the baby, which is why my levels of HcG were not detectable by blood, or were so low that they weren't viable for a pregnancy. This would also explain why the last test I took, that morning, was much lighter than the others, since the HcG was on its way out of my system. 

A few days later, I started losing the baby. It was one of the worse weeks of my life. Being so close to having a 4th baby made me want to go out and get our Clomid right then and there. I know with that, I will definitely be pregnant in a short time. Ultimately, we decided not to get the Clomid right away. The deciding factor in that decision was the due date of the 4th baby. If we were to get pregnant between now and the next month or so would be in January through March, and with the twins birthday in January, Frank's birthday in February, and Mason's birthday in March, we really want to avoid a baby in any of those months to spread out the birthdays a little more, and hopefully shoot for a spring/summer baby next time around. We made the choice to wait until July to get the Clomid, and conceive this summer, and then we will be due in April-June of next year, depending on which cycle we end up successfully conceiving. Truth be told's so hard to wait that long! I know it's not THAT far away, but it seems like it is. Of course, if, by some miracle, we were to conceive before that on our own, without the fertility meds, then of course we would be fine and happy with that. The chances of that happening though, are very rare for us and our situation. 

So, the next time I will be sharing about our journey, it should be a pregnancy announcement! ;-)


Ashley R said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know it's so hard to be that close. Coincidentally, I actually just had this happen 2 months ago. It was my first cycle of Clomid, and I got that faint, faint second line several times before I was even due to start my period. My doc knows I have severely low progesterone but by the time the blood work came back negative, my light prego symptoms were disappearing, and there was nothing that could be done. For 4 days I had the joy of "being pregnant" despite being told this was just a "false positive" test. NO! I was pregnant, and reading what you just shared makes me realize that. I've been trying to put it all out of my mind and not grieve just in case it really wasn't a pregnancy. But what if it was?? I should be grieving this child I lost but haven't for fear of what others would say (oh, you're crazy! You're making it up!), because I was already quite hysterical when it all happened. Thank you for sharing so boldly, I wish I could do the same on my blog. This makes 4 losses for me total (we do have a 3 year old) and I really hope this is all either of us have to go through. May we lean of God's strength in times like this.

Blake said...


I am so sorry for your loss, as well. We conceived 3 times before we conceived our twins, and all ended in miscarriage. And then after that, we could not conceive on our own, so we did the Clomid, and had the twins on the second month of trying. We tried for a few months without for Mason, but had to use it again to conceive him, and it happened on the second month then again. For whatever reason, we seem to have miscarriages when we conceive without Clomid. It's important for you to know that you did NOT have a false positive test! ONE false positive is extremely extremely rare, and having anymore then that is almost unheard of. You need to grieve, regardless of how early you were or what other people say or think. You WERE pregnant, those lines WERE real positive tests, and you DID have a little bean in your womb. For whatever reason, God decided it wasn't time for that little bean to be brought into the world, and He will bless you again soon! Thanks for sharing your story with me too!